Every Precious Moment by Joni Sturgill

“Awareness of impermanence and appreciation of our human potential will give us a sense of urgency that we must use every precious moment.”        ~Dalai Lama

When most of us are in the midst of struggle, pain, or difficulty, we have the thought, “What if this doesn’t ever change? What if I’m stuck with this pain forever?” Our fear grips us and we swallow it down. It grips us, and we swallow it. We don’t want it, and yet we unintentionally are clinging to it, whether we realize it or not. I’m reminded of the Buddhist concept of shenpa. Shenpa is that sticky feeling of being hooked or attached to something, even if it’s something we don’t want.

Something small could hook us, like spilling the cup of coffee we were looking forward to; we get angry and get caught in the story of how that spilled cup of coffee “ruined our morning.” Or it might be something big that hooks us: an illness, an injury, a pandemic; we think of nothing else, we blame, we ruminate, we find others who will feed our “sense of injustice.” We keep looking for more information, as if we can find justification or make sense of the “out-of-our-control” circumstances in front of us. Shenpa is about being caught in the storm of resisting reality, being stuck in the “I don’t want it to be this way/why me/why us/I want it to go away” cycle. It’s also about what we are willing to do to try to get relief from, or escape that painful feeling. Sometimes that means chronically complaining, lashing out at others, throwing some version of an internal or external adult temper tantrum. Some might even allow shenpa to incite violent or addictive behavior. If it feeds the feeling of escape, or the effort to get relief from the pain, the shenpa cycle continues, because those reactions fuel the pain, rather than ease it. We ALL are there in some form, at one point or another. We resist what we don’t want and we long to escape it. Because who wants mental, emotional, or physical pain? It’s not what we plan, or what we expect. 

Logically we know that “bad things happen.” Logically we understand that we don’t have control over everything in our world. But why is it so difficult to accept and make peace with challenging times? 

I’ve heard the phrase, “this too shall pass,” and I’ve allowed it to be a small comfort to me in times of difficulty, a reminder that things change. An idea we seem to forget when we are stuck in the shenpa of discomfort. “This too shall pass” might be a helpful phrase to live by, day to day, moment to moment. Not only in difficult times, but in pleasant, beautiful times as well. Because, in the same way we fear the unpleasant times will last forever, we expect the good times to also last forever. How many times have you said or felt, “if only (fill in the blank), then I’ll be happy.” We think that once we find the “right” partner, or land that “perfect” job, everything will be sunshine and rainbows from then on.

But the fact is, “this too shall pass,” actually means all things pass. The good and the bad. The painful and the pleasant. Everything is impermanent, as the Dalai Lama said in his quote, above. What does that mean for us? It inherently might spawn a feeling of insecurity, because there’s nothing to hold onto, if both the good and the bad times pass. 

“The bad news is you’re falling through the air, nothing to hang onto, no parachute. The good news is, there’s no ground.” — Chögyam Trungpa

If we are both falling, and there’s no ground, we are in a predicament, but there can be safety there too. We get to choose how we live in the moments we have. We get to decide how we respond to the feeling of falling. We can let the fear eat us up, we can act out, we can cycle through shenpa, the painful resistance that things simply “are the way they are.” Or, we can learn to let the fear pass through us. We can accept the way things are. This doesn’t mean that we are complacent; it’s not that we won’t work to improve life in the ways we have control over it. It means we are willing to practice finding peace inside, regardless of our circumstances.

It means we are willing to be present, fully alive and appreciative of every precious moment. Because even in difficult times, we can learn things about ourselves, our reactions, our beliefs, and our connection to all things greater. And we can learn to be “all in” in the tiniest of pleasant moments, to see, feel, and experience them in their fullest form. 

Life is bittersweet. So practice equanimity with all things that arise and fall away, and find a deep sense of peace. Start today: simply pause when you feel something, invite in three slow, deep breaths, and let yourself relax with whatever the moment contains. It is what it is, whether it’s beautiful or a little scary. Take a few more deep breaths and revel in the preciousness of your life. Smile, as Thich Nhat Hahn would say, even to your suffering. Enjoy today, and each tender moment of your life.