Why We Lose Ourselves — and How to Come Back

We’ve all had moments when we look around and realize we’ve drifted away from ourselves. Maybe it happens quietly — a sense that we’re just going through the motions, saying yes when we mean no, or moving so fast that the days blur together. Or maybe it happens suddenly, in a moment of exhaustion or heartbreak, when we catch a glimpse of who we’ve become and wonder, When did I stop feeling like me?

Losing ourselves often doesn’t come from one big decision — it comes from hundreds of small ones. Each time we ignore our intuition, silence our needs, or keep pushing through when our body whispers for rest, we drift a little further from center. It’s often born out of good intentions — wanting to help, to achieve, to be there for others — but over time, that constant outward focus leaves us unanchored.

I’ve been there more than once. In my own life, the moments when I’ve felt most disconnected were often the ones when I was the busiest — doing good things, even meaningful things, but doing them without enough awareness. My energy was scattered. My thoughts were racing. My body was running on empty. I looked calm on the outside, but inside, I was far from home.

Coming back to ourselves doesn’t require a dramatic change; it starts with noticing. Noticing when we’re tense. When we’ve lost joy. When our days feel mechanical instead of meaningful. And then gently, without judgment, choosing to return. Sometimes that means taking one deep breath before answering a text. Sometimes it’s stepping outside, putting a hand on your heart, and remembering you have a body. Sometimes it’s making space — through retreat, journaling, yoga, or stillness — to listen to the voice you’ve been too busy to hear.

This is what I’ve learned: we don’t find ourselves once and stay found. We come home again and again. And each time we do, it gets a little easier to recognize the way back.

If you’ve been feeling disconnected, I hope you’ll give yourself permission to pause — to rest, to breathe, and to listen. My retreats are designed to create the space for that remembering — for rediscovering what feels real, grounded, and alive within you. Because when you return to yourself, everything else begins to fall into place.
Check out my upcoming Women’s Retreat in Pennsylvania, Silent Retreat in Pennsylvania, and retreat to Peru.