When We Stop Resisting Reality, Life Gets Lighter

One of the core ideas in Eastern philosophy and Buddhist psychology is the concept of resistance, sometimes called aversion. It refers to the way we push against reality as it is. We don’t like what’s happening, so we tense up around it. We argue with it internally. We wish it were different. We replay conversations. We imagine alternate outcomes. We try, often unconsciously, to force reality to bend to our will.

And when it doesn’t, we suffer.

This resistance is exhausting. It consumes emotional energy and mental space, yet it rarely changes anything. It’s like metaphorically beating your head against a wall, wanting the wall to move, soften, or disappear, even though it is solid and completely outside your control.

We all do this. In fact, it’s very human.

When I talk about resistance, I often liken it to a child throwing a tantrum when they don’t get their way. The child is overwhelmed by emotion and doesn’t yet have the capacity to regulate it. So they scream, cry, flail, and resist what is happening. As adults, we may not throw ourselves on the floor, but we do something surprisingly similar. We ruminate. We clench. We argue with reality in our minds. We replay the same frustration over and over, hoping something will change.

But maturation, emotional and spiritual maturity, asks something different of us.

It asks us to stop resisting reality and start seeing it clearly.

This is where acceptance and non-attachment come in. These words are often misunderstood. Acceptance does not mean approval. It does not mean you do not care. It does not mean you give up or become passive. And non-attachment does not mean emotional coldness or indifference.

Acceptance simply means acknowledging what is true right now.

This is happening.
This has already happened.
This part is outside of my control.

There is a tremendous amount of freedom in that kind of honesty.

When we stop resisting what is, we create space in the heart and mind. The nervous system can begin to settle. The breath deepens. The body softens. We move out of emotional reactivity and into clarity. This is equanimity, a balanced inner state regardless of circumstances.

From that place, something important becomes possible.

We can finally redirect our energy toward what is within our control.

Our response.
Our boundaries.
Our choices.
Our next step.

Instead of spending emotional energy wishing the past were different or demanding that other people change, we focus on how we want to move forward skillfully. We regulate our emotions. We breathe. We see clearly. And then we act with intention.

This is not resignation. It is wisdom.

Resistance keeps us stuck. Acceptance opens the door.

When we resist reality, we stay emotionally dysregulated. When we accept reality, we regain our agency. We stop throwing an internal tantrum and start responding like the capable adults we are becoming.

This practice takes time. It is not about forcing acceptance or pretending things do not hurt. It is about gently noticing when you are fighting what cannot be changed and softening your grip. It is about pausing, breathing, and reminding yourself that clarity comes before action.

Acceptance is not the end of the story. It is the beginning of moving forward with skill.

And that is where real freedom lives.

If you’re interested in learning more, consider joining me on a retreat this year, or reach out to discuss implementing a program in your organization or group.